Movies by the Gross

Title: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Year Released: 2002

Rating: PG

Having the same actors and director definitely helps keep the general feel of the first movie which is comforting in a series that spans 8. But back to the movie, after returning to his Aunt and Uncle for the summer, Harry is given his own room but still treated with fear and disdain by his relatives. He is visited by a house elf and blamed for making a mess and some other things. Harry then escapes with the help of the Weasley boys in an enchanted flying car. While attempting to access the magical platform 9 3/4 for the train that will take them to Hogwarts, Harry and Ron are stranded in the “muggle” section of the train terminal and decide to take the flying car to Hogwarts. After crashing into a tree the boys are reprimanded and life goes on at Hogwarts. A new teacher is introduced to replace Prof. Quirrell and he is more or less a good looking idiot.

School and life at Hogwarts seems to be all in order until Harry hears a voice in the walls and a cat and some people are petrified by an unknown assailant. Harry discovers he has a talent for conversing with snakes which is uncommon even in the Wizarding world. More people are petrified including Hermione  who had just figured out that a Basilisk was causing all the trouble. Harry and Ron open the Chamber of Secrets and Harry finds Ginny who has been “possessed” by a diary. The diary was written by Tom Riddle who happens to be Lord Voldemort  He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named later on in life. In the Chamber, Harry defeats the Basilisk and destroys the diary which was being used to control Ginny and they escape with the help of Prof. Dumbledore’s phoenix.

This was not intended to be a synopsis but that is what it seems to have turned into. As with all the stories in the series there are characters you love to hate.  Comparing a book to a movie rarely leaves the movie-watcher satisfied. The movie has its shortcomings and reading the  book will provide important details that are omitted or distorted. I do recommend reading the book but waiting at least a few months before watching the movie, so the differences are not as annoying.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is a movie children and adults will enjoy though it can be intense. There is a fair amount of humor and entertainment even if you have read the book. I say this movie is simply “good enough to own” because when I watch one movie in the series I feel obligated to watch the entire series, which, in total is well over 16 hours.

Title: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

Year Released:  2001

Rating:  PG

I’m not really going to give much of a plot background since most people have either seen this movie or read the book it should be fine. So, Harry is dropped off to his horrible Aunt and Uncle as a baby because his parents were killed by an evil wizard. He finds out that he is a Wizard when he turns 11 and gets to go to Hogwarts a school for Wizards. He makes some friends, Ron and Hermione, and together they save the Wizarding world by stopping Voldemort (the evil wizard) from coming back to his full form.

I love this movie, I mainly love it because it sticks so well with the book. There were small changes to fit the time issue and then just some effects stuff. I love the way they all make friends and the quidditch game. I also love the introduction of the Wizarding world. From the candy, to the staircases, to the ghosts or even the ugly Troll. I would definitely recommend this to others. I love owning the movie I don’t watch it incredibly often but it’s fun none the less.

A few of my favorite quotes from this movie happen in the last scene, when Harry wakes in the infirmary and Professor Dumbledore (the head master) comes to visit. Dumbledore says, ‘What happened between you and Professor Quirrell in the dungeon is a complete secret so naturally the whole school knows about it.’ Then later as he is leaving he picks up some of the Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans and reminisces how he had tasted a vomit flavored one and no longer wanted to try them. He picks up a jelly bean and after tasting it says, ‘Alas, Earwax.’ I hope you’ll watch it and better yet I like the books much better than the movies especially as the movies later on, don’t always follow the books.

Links to the other movies in this series: (they’ll be active after the reviews are posted)

Chamber of Secrets – Year 2

Prisoner of Azkaban, -Year 3

Goblet of Fire – Year 4

Order of The Phoenix – Year 5

Half Blood Prince – Year 6

Deathly Hallows, Part 1 – Year 7

Deathly Hallows, Part 2 – Year 7

Title: The A-Team

Year Released: 2010

Rating: PG-13

This movie was based on a TV series of which I’ve never seen a full episode so I cannot compare the movie to the source material. The premise is a team of four Army Rangers are setup and charged for a crime they did not commit. The team is convicted, discharged  and imprisoned. They break out to clear their names and to uncover the conspiracy that landed them in jail. No major spoilers since the tank flying bit was featured in the trailer, but that is my favorite scene. In many ways this movie reminds me of “Ocean’s Eleven” due to the intricate planning and causal comedy.

On the surface “The A-Team” is your basic action movie, where the good guys are outnumbered, outgunned and yet prevail against impossible odds. It is a fun movie to watch, especially if you do not take the time to analyze the mechanisms that allow the heroes to do their jobs. I would not recommend any action movie to physics majors. :)

The bottom line, This is a fun movie and I think the fans of the original TV show will appreciate the one liners (even though, “I pity the fool” is not one of them). There is a some foul language and lots of violence hence the PG-13 rating.

Title:  2010

Year Released:  1984

Rating:  PG

To be honest I had no desire to watch this movie after seeing it’s prequel 2001: A Space Odyssey. I feel Nate’s review was far nicer than mine would have been. After watching a pointless two hour movie that made me want to poke my eyes out, I seriously put off watching ’2010′. I even made a deal with Nate, ‘If there is no talking in the first five minutes I’m shutting it off.’ Well there was talking and it made for a MUCH better movie than ’2001′.

It starts with the scientist from the first movie being approached by a Russian about doing a second mission to Jupiter. Basically the Russians will get there first so he wants to convince three American’s to go on their craft so they can help with the original ship that is still orbiting Jupiter. The Scientist, played by Roy Scheider, is joined by an engineer, played by John Lithgow (who plays Barney Stinson’s dad on “How I met your Mother”), and the Computer Analyst, played by Bob Balaban;  who incidentally played Phoebe’s dad in “Friends,” both of these actors make this movie infinitely better just by association. ;) They join a team of Russians and I can only remember Max, then there is some lady captain, some surly man captain and then some other random Russians.

Anyway, they all get on the spaceship and head for Jupiter, the American’s  are put in hibernation. They go through some really boring stuff about this is happening and this is happening, Monolith this and monolith that… They connect up with the Discovery (original ship) and Max and Lithgow have a few touching and funny moments getting from one ship to the other. They connect the two ships and then Balaban wakes up the computer (HAL9000) figuring out that because the Whitehouse went in and gave it a second set of directions HAL didn’t know how to respond and that’s why he killed everyone in the first movie. The team start doing research on the Monolith and then Bowman (played by Keir Dullea) from the original shows up. He tells Scheider that they need to leave within two days. When asked why, he says because something wonderful is going to happen. Never mind that through this entire dialogue he shows up in his different forms including the fetus… WTH? Meanwhile, war breaks out between Russia and the United Sates. So each crew is supposed to stay on their respective ships. Scheider convinces the Russians that they need to leave on the same ship and leave the Discovery behind after using it as a booster rocket. As they leave, Jupiter starts to implode apparently caused by a whole lot of Monoliths. A second sun appears in place of Jupiter and a message is sent to earth that tells them to live in peace and use all of the planets but Europa.

This message and the new sun make the presidents realize they shouldn’t be at war and they stop fighting, everything is beautiful and then they show the planet that no one is supposed to go to and the crazy glue that strings the whole story together is there waiting, camera pan on the Monolith while the theme plays again. The End.

Basically I think the only reason I can say I’m willing to watch this movie again is because the first one was SO bad that this could only be listed as awesome since there was a story and actual dialogue. It had a good story and until Dullea showed up again, I actually really did like this story. If you want to get the general idea without having to watch the terrible first movie, they give you a good recap and I like this movie a lot better. In fact you get more information and answers in the first 10 minutes of  ’2010′ than you do in the entire prequel. I would suggest ’2010′ to people who want to look at cool effects for the time and anyone that wants to think God puts a monolith anywhere he creates something. I don’t want to own the movie but it wasn’t so bad especially if I try really hard to not connect it with the first movie.

Title: 2001: A Space Odyssey

Year Released: 1968

Rating: G

The first twenty minutes or so are dull, boring, tedious and in most ways confusing- and it does not get much better. You see some monkeys, you see a block of black materiel (commonly known as the monolith later on) and get the impression that it has something to do with monkeys developing the use of tools and killing another monkey – a bone “club” is thrown into the air and the view changes immediately to a spacecraft – I suppose this is to show the evolution of man use of tools.

Then you spend the next six minutes listening  to a lovely rendition of The Blue Danube while the spacecraft  docks with a space-station. Once the ship docks a man goes through customs and there are some short conversations with various characters, none of which clue you in to what is really going on and how the monkeys fit into the movie (you can forget about the monkeys at this point). I’ve seen the movie several times and know what is going on but even I, get more than a little bored after 40 minutes of no action, and hardly any dialogue. I understand this movie was made in 1968 and was intended to showcase a “realistic” future as imagined from that time and this film is hailed as a “must see” sci-fi film but ultimately it is vapid for many lengths and bewildering during others. This may be my short attention span speaking and a modern mindset of  ”I-need-the-story-spoon-fed-to-me” or “I-don’t-want-to-think-for-myself” (neither are the case) but the fact of the matter is this: the movie takes a long time to get to the point- then you are left wondering what the point is.

The movie’s soundtrack is memorable and the visual effects are flawless, especially considering the year it was made. I can appreciate the impact this movie has had on the industry and the science fiction genre but the way it is told leaves a viewer wanting. Which is an interesting point as my wife and I, as much as she did no like the film, have talked more about this movie then any other we’ve watched so far. There is a lot to discuss about this movie because it is left so open to interpretation.

Spoiler alert!

The man from the  space-station and others travel to the Moon and after another yet vague conversation, they land and walk to where a monolith was discovered and excavated. As the men gather to take a photo, a high-pitched piercing noise seems to disorient the group . Then a title flashes onscreen, indicating that a mission to Jupiter was launched and it is now 18 months later.

The crew of the Jupiter mission is introduced and interviewed by a TV host, David Bowman, Frank Poole and HAL9000 who is the ship’s computer and is touted as being infallible and never making an error of any kind. There are three other humans that are in hibernation. Believe it or not, after an hour and 20 minutes, the story starts to pick up. HAL9000 predicts a malfunction with the ships communication dish and the hardware is replaced then tested, which leads the human crew to suspect HAL is malfunctioning. Bowman and Poole come up with a plan to disable HAL if necessary; HAL reads their lips when they think that HAL cannot hear them. Poole and the hibernating crew are killed by HAL. Bowman is stranded outside the ship but manages to get inside and shutdown HAL. As HAL is being disabled, Bowman is shown a classified video meant to be viewed after the crew reached Jupiter. The video has details about why they were sent to Jupiter, that is to gather information about the monolith; only HAL was aware of that aspect of the mission. Once Bowman reaches Jupiter, he finds a monolith and takes a small craft to explore it, I guess. As Bowman approaches the monolith the viewer is treated to a sequence that reminds me of a psychedelic TRON-esque lightscape, blurred and played at 100x –  this goes on for about 15 minutes. To quote my wife she said, “Someone was on acid when they made this.” I think the director, writers, editor, and visual effects guys were trying to be transcendental but it just comes out confusing. Eventually the lights, blinking eye and false colored landscapes stop and Bowman suddenly appears in a room. Then there a sequence with Bowman watching himself age and at the last stage of his life the monolith appears and Bowman turns into a fetus???  The fetus watches earth and the signature music plays. The movie ends.

There is no real explanation about anything. I would say watching this movie once, maybe twice is enough. It is an interesting exploration of life, evolution, artificial intelligence. I would give the movie a PG rating, simply because 4 men are killed by HAL, a monkey is clubbed to death and if a child does watch and understands the movie, it could be rather intense – if they don’t fall asleep in the first or last half.

Title: 13 Going On 30

Year Released: 2004

Rating: PG-13

Jennifer Garner plays Jenna Rink, a 13 year old girl who after awkward moments trying to fit in, wishes that she could be 30, flirty and thriving, just like in her favorite magazine Poise. She wakes up as a 30 year old in her own apartment with a very amorous boyfriend. She’s trying to figure everything out as she is taken to work as an Editor for Poise. She has her secretary look up her best friend from when she was 13 and goes to him to try and figure out what’s going on. Mark Ruffalo plays Matt, Jenna’s nerdy best friend who isn’t so nerdy anymore. He tells her they haven’t been friends since they were teenagers but helps her home because she is acting so strange. As it all comes together she realizes she has everything she wanted when she was 13 and didn’t have to wait for it.

I don’t know which part is my favorite, the ever often throw backs to the eighties, with impromptu Thriller dance parties. Or the 13 year old having all of the nice clothes but matching them together with a 13 year old twist every time. Jenna befriends a teenager in her building, finds a great love for her now existing boobs that look so good in all of her clothes, and is totally grossed out by her boyfriend trying to do a sexy striptease instead of playing battleship.

In the end she has to try and save her magazine and does so by bringing in her old friend Matt. They bond, but she finds out she has been a horrible person, having affairs and treating people horribly. She even stopped being Matt’s friend in Junior High so she could be popular. Matt decides that they have been going their seperate ways for too long and marries his Fiance leaving Jenna alone. She wishes that she could go back and change it all and when she wakes up at her 13th birthday party she disses the popular kids, kisses Matt and then fast forwards to their happy ending wedding. It’s a classic Rom Com and it is sappy and fun, just the way you need it to be sometimes. It’s cheesy which means do not watch too often or you may overload.

Title: 12 Angry Men

Year Released: 1957

Rating: PG

12 jurors are burdened with the responsibility of determining the fate of a young man accused of  murdering his father. Initially only one juror thinks the boy may be innocent and a debate ensues. The diversity of  the characters in the room is impressive. Each have different professions and backgrounds, they are all dressed similarly but you can see different classes and temperaments represented and one of the most interesting points to me is how none of the jurors have names (you do learn two of the jurors name at the very end).  The details of the case are reviewed and contested throughout the movie with the jurors changing sides after evidence is re-examined.

The film was shot in black and white and  appears to be in real time- my wife tells me it was based on a play. The movie is entertaining simply based on the exchange between the jurors, which I suppose is the whole point of the movie. There is no profanity, no sexual content and yet I wouldn’t recommend this movie for anyone under 14 because there is a lot of talking and not a lot going on beyond the juror room. Younger audiences may find it boring. I would recommend this movie for anyone who likes courtroom dramas or mysteries. In short, it was well written, acted, and filmed.